Snow and cold take over Seattle and I feel more like a reflective writing hermit than ever. My grief bubble is a winter wonderland. I don’t feel mom right now. Maybe she is resting. Maybe my channel is weak. I don’t know but I follow the flow. I keep hearing her voice in my head and think of a line from a Heather Nova song, “everything you ever said is still in me.” Tears. Beauty.
How I am coming to understand the taking for granted of the smallest things. Like the sound of my mom’s voice. Our precious little lives are so significant in their temporary uniqueness…
I think it’s silly how we assume eternal is where importance and value is placed. What a huge assumption to make. Temporary is just as valuable as eternal. My mother’s voice feels as valuable as her soul even though her soul will go on and her voice is forever gone.
Our human lives are important because they are flashes in the pan and we are all very unique and meant to express our true nature and stamp this reality with our expressions. We are meant to emboss the hearts of those we love with our essence…
I wonder how many people don’t end a relationship because they overvalue long term commitment. I play devil’s advocate to yesterday’s blog because I hold both sides. I always hold both sides (Libra moon)…
What if you are meant to end a long term union because it is time to experience being in a romantic union with somebody new or it is time to experience being alone? What if we did not have so much value placed on permanency as the moral right and we placed value also on the adventure of living and the natural evolution of change?
Our culture embosses on our brains this value of “until death do you part” and having one job your whole life, owning one home, keeping a family together through marriage and in one home, and being one way in how you express who you are. But this is not the only value to living a human life.
The format in which we assemble our human lives is fabricated by our values not written by an omnipotent force decreeing what is right versus wrong. With love, awareness, intelligence, and a sense of humor, the human being can be healthy and happy no matter the format.
For example, there are many assumptions made that divorce is bad due to causing children pain and ripping the family apart but this is just a moral judgement based on a value system. Going through emotional pain may be valued as healthy for children and conscious divorce may allow for turning one home into two a creative complex and messy act that teaches children how to move through the vicissitudes of life.
It isn’t the format that is healthy versus unhealthy, it’s how you traverse through life, how authentic you are, how loving you are, and how aware you can be that determines health.
Health is in the verb of life not the noun.
What if the over-value of permanency, eternalness, and forever stems from a defeat story in the collective unconscious and in the personal shadow?
What if spiritual starvation (the lack of feeling the transpersonal in your personal experience) creates an overcompensation in the ego to create a moralistic domination over what is permanent, long term and eternal?
The defeat story in the shadow would stem from feeling undervalued, suffering from low self worth, feeling cauterized from nature (spirit) and not receiving secure attachment from family as a child. These shadow feelings are inside every single of one us born from the same world-wide systemic trauma, abuse, and dysfunction of humanity due to the powers that control us.
The powers that control us are a projection of our own inner lack, our own shame, our own sense of defeat, not being good enough, not being a part of nature, not feeling connected to the transpersonal, not feeling love. But I don’t want to philosophize too far out in this blog. The essence I want to capture is rooted in our value system and why we hold the values we do.
To question the values is my intention…
To understand that the values we hold are not necessarily our own choice…and what if we did the healing work to get to our true values within?
On the other side of permanency and long term commitment…is adventure.
As I said, I hold both stories. I would love to mate with a man where one lifetime did not feel long enough to spend together…and…I am ok to end a very long term commitment, to blow the sand mandala away and let go if my soul told me that it was time to mate with a new man or be alone. Ending a long term union would not devalue it and I would hold no moral conflict about it because I don’t moralize the long term over the short term.
I don’t devalue what wants to come to an end according to my soul.
I value the adventure of life. My soul is on a solo journey to a certain degree. I would not want guilt or attachment rooted in the fear of letting go to stop me from ending anything, be it a romantic partnership, career, or whatever.
I know this is very out of the norm. I am very ordinary in terms of being a straight cis monogamous female and yet so out of the ordinary when it comes to cultural values on permanency versus adventure in relationship. I love the idea of a ritual spiritually binding me to my partner but I don’t believe in binding us to the state in marriage or to a forever commitment.
I want to have the freedom to change and this is a soul value.
What is a soul value?
It’s a value that honors my soul having a human experience. The values of the soul are very different than the values of the ego. Both are equal, just different. The ego values safety, security, pleasure, ease, confidence, to be good, needed and contributing to others, and to receive attention, love, and affection.
The soul values growth, evolution, and having new experiences in order to grow and evolve.
This being said, if I stopped evolving in a long term relationship and found myself stagnating, I would know it is time to be alone or partner with a new soul to evolve. This stagnation may or may not show up as something painful. It could show up as a deep feeling that is time to move on.
I know this is scary for most people because we are brought up to feel that being alone is scary, wrong, bad, terrifying, and the losing game. We are brought up to also believe that heart break is bad and to be avoided. I suppose one of the perks of being single for the bulk of my life is that I don’t fear being alone and I am not fearful of heart break. Every gift has its curse, as they say.
I would not be ok mating with a man who felt he needed me so much that if I ended the relationship he would lose his sense of self. I don’t want to carry anybody’s sense of self.
Of course, we don’t always have the freedom to choose without the fear of losing the security of having our basic needs met. Some people stay together because they literally cannot afford to separate and feed themselves and their children. The ego and soul must dance through the survival game, as well. Some souls are extreme and willing to lose everything for the value of the soul, dancing on the opposite end of the cultural spectrum and perhaps ignoring the needs of ego too much.
I like to play mostly in the 70/30 range on the spectrum…valuing my soul’s evolution a little bit more than my ego’s needs, though I feel I am moving more into a 60/40 blend. It’s always adjusting to the moment. Love always comes first.
We are all different and I am blogging about this to titillate your thoughts, not shove my value system into your head. It’s just something to think about…
If my long term partner said to me, “I need to move on from this relationship, my soul knows it, ” and I did not feel the same, it would break my heart and I would honor his soul and know the heart break would help me grow. Or, if one day I say, “I am done being a healer,” and chose to make tortillas in the Florida Keys for a living, this would be perfectly acceptable. I want the freedom to evolve according to my authentic values that change throughout life.
My mother’s passing is waking up the adventure aspect of my soul’s reason for being here.
I am not only here to bring healing to this human world and my own soul. I am not only here to mate, work, and die. I am here to play. I am here to experience. I don’t need to have a grand reason, purpose, or plan. This message courses through me like liquid lightning, from my mom. As soon as I tap into this message, I feel her again.